Sincerity
by Leto
Part 4 - Meowth's view
"Why don't you ever battle?" they continually ask. "You always criticise us but you're the most useless one of all!"
Why don't I battle... I'm afraid... not of battling. No Pokemon is afraid of battling unless there's a reason. Nah, what I fear is changing... evolving.
I hate Persian. I've always hated them. All my past problems have been because of Persian... getting booted from position as top cat... getting booted from da gang... gettin' rejected...
-- flashback --
"Get away from me!" she hissed, "Persian was warning me about Pokemon that think they're humans. Soon they start acting like humans and try to control everything! Besides, it's terribly immature to pretend to be something you're not!"
"But... I was only trying to impress you..."
"Ughh! I know your type... Persian warned me about you, he said you're only out to impress yourself! Get lost!"
"But... wait! Please, come back!"
She ran off, the prettiest, most loveable Pokemon I'd ever seen... a Pokemon worth learning another language for... a Pokemon that I loved....
It was da Persian who had been spreading propaganda about me. I think he was jealous 'cos I could talk and didn't want any of the other Meowth following me... but he didn't have to tear up my heart like dat....
I confronted him the next day... it was the hardest battle I'd been in and I lost. As the charm fell from my head, I realised that I couldn't stay in the world of Pokemon any more. They didn't understand me at all. I didn't understand myself any more.
After I couldn't fight any more, I fixed the charm back on my head, with a slight dent in it... that dent reminds me that I am no longer a Pokemon. That charm which defines me as a Pokemon is dented and now meaningless. But I have to keep it with me all the time. I don't want to forget.
-- end flashback --
What's so great about Persian? What's so great about Pokemon evolving? And why does everyone reject me 'cos I'm not one?
Jessie and James, those two are the only ones who don't care if I'm a Meowth or a Persian, but even they don't understand... the way they constantly badger me to battle...
Right now I'm trapped between two worlds and I don't know which one I belong to. Human, Pokemon... I live with humans, talk and act like one... but I can't deny what I am, although I try really hard... it's a commonly accepted Pokemon philosophy dat there's no such thing as a bad Pokemon, only a bad master... so I'm trying to prove myself NOT a Pokemon by ignoring that philosophy.
I just wanna be accepted, and by being a Meowth dat's not gonna happen.
But I'm worried, 'cos I know that Persian is part of me, and I feel it inside, waiting for its chance to take over... I'm gonna hafta fight evolving with everything in me, but I'm not sure I can... I hear dat what keeps a Pokemon from evolving is a strong will to be what it is... and I'm not proud to be a Meowth, I wanna be a person. All I know is that becoming a Persian would be the worst thing in da world.
The only bright side is that personalities change when a Pokemon evolves. Maybe I'd forget that I wish I was human. Maybe I'd be truly a Pokemon and happy as one. But still, dat's not worth being a Persian. Persian are da worst Pokemon in the world. They take everything from you... everything.
All other Pokemon hate me. Most humans hate me. I hate me. I don't know what I want to be. I don't know what I am. I always get asked "how did you learn to speak?"
I learnt how to speak 'cos I believed in something. I believed in my love. The strength of that helped me, and remembering the way she would sigh "sometimes I wish I could tell those humans exactly what I think of them"... but in doing that, I became like one of those humans she so despised...
She despised them because she'd had a bad trainer. But I think she woulda been willing to believe that some people could be good... but because Persian said otherwise, she believed it was so.
That was my first experience with a Persian. After that, it was the same smug type of Pokemon that took da boss' attention away from me. After Persian showed up, I was just a nuisance, and my own master didn't have time for me any more. My master doesn't want to have anything to do with me, but I have to keep trying.
I have to keep trying, to be da best of da worst, so that I can forget I'm a Pokemon and at the same time, make my master like me again.
Is it just me or does that sound hypocritical?
Like I said... I don't like being a Pokemon but dat is what I am...